"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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