i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
