we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
