There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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