I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
