This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I'm just crazy horny about you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
