the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
