Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
