i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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