We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
