i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
