Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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