oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
