May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
