Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
