remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
