Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
