Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
