how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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