On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
