grandma shit on top of the toilet
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
