She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Randomize
