I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
