i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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