So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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