I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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