he shaved USA in his pubs
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
