God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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