u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
