Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
