He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
