you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
