My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
