I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
