I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
