i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
