i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
