i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
