Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
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