I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
