im holly from the hills drunk
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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