Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
