i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
