I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I could fuck to npr.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
