who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
