My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
