i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
