Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
