your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
