one two three fourrrrnication!
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
